Long day

I really respect stay at home mums, it’s a job and a half. Yesterday I was given leave from work but I don’t think I stopped. With hubby’s various illnesses sometimes I feel I have to do both jobs…full time mummy and earn money. So yesterday started at 2am when little one work up with a dirty nappy. By the time I got everything together from downstairs and changed him I was wide awake. Tried to go back to sleep, by the time I did, hubby woke me up getting up for work at 4am. before I know it it 6.30am wake up time. So up I get, and get 9 year old’s school things ready. I do one breakfast for me, one for the 9 year old and one for the 2 year old. 2 year old wants what his brother is having, I get him some cereal. Now he wants something else and the cereal is forgotten. We get out the house and drop the 9 year old at school. Then it’s story time session with the 2 year old, who repeatedly escapes and why does it seem he’s the only one doing it and the other kids do as they’re told? I get a text from my mum. She’s bored waiting for her carpets to be put down can I pop round after story time? So I do, which involves chasing the 2 year old around the house so a. He doesn’t escape and b. So he doesn’t bother the carpet man….all between sips of tea. I go home and make lunch for us both. Hubby is asleep on the sofa so nothings been done. So I tidy the kitchen and wash up as nothing was done the day before because I was at work all day until 7 o’clock. I start preparing the tea for tonight because we’re going to be late in.  After lunch I drop off a parcel for my sister and then go into town to get the things hubby forgot to buy yesterday when I was at work. I come home, have a quick cup of tea and then drop the 2 year old at my mums, while we pick up the 9 year old from school early. We walk to the hospital because neither of us drive and wait 30 minutes past our appointment time. We then have to take him for an x-ray on his stomach and book in for blood tests. When hubby suggests a taxi home, I don’t say no. We pick up the 2 year old. I make tea, do the pack ups for tomorrow and run baths. By the time I sit down it’s 8 pm and I pretty much ready for bed. It’s a good job that I go because the 2 year old got me up at 4 am this morning. So when people say mums sit at home watching Jeremy Kyle all day, they don’t in my life. But it’s a life I wouldn’t swap. I have two beautiful boys and a crazy kind husband.

Money, money, money…..

Sometimes it seems to get anywhere money makes life so much easier. And I don’t have any. The things I want to achieve:

• To live in a hobbit hole/house
• To visit Rome/New England/New Orleans
• Becoming a tattooed librarian
• To have the time to write my novel which hasn’t gone any further than half of page one at the moment.
• To train as an early years teacher as backup from the librarian thing.

It all seems to be so much easier if I had money. This isn’t really a post about complaining about money, because I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge and clothes on my back which is more than a lot of people have in this world and for that I am grateful. It’s actually heading towards talking about the frustrations of having a bi-polar husband and trying to save money. I think people (and this includes friends of ours) see successful people with bi-polar like Stephen Fry and think it can’t be that bad. Hubby lost £40 yesterday and it’s not a one off occurrence. He’s always losing money, he puts it down and forgets, he forgets he has to leave money in the bank for bills so gets charged, he forgets his wallet to put the money in so it goes in his back pocket and then it falls out.  The forgetfulness is not something people tend to think about with bi-polar but it’s become a real problem in our lives. I’ve tried getting him a  little note book to write things down he needs to remember. I write him little notes so he knows what he needs to remember that day. He forgets to write things down and he loses the notes I leave out. It’s so incredibly frustrating for me on the other side and worrying as he is responsible for caring for the children while I’m at work. What if he forgets to pick one up from school, or leaves the other outside the shop, or forgets to feed the little one (this has happened, luckily little one reminds daddy that it’s nom nom time). Yet I need to go and earn money. We have been refused DLA, and now my husband had a reduction in his hours which means we’re not eligible for child care help in our tax credits. If anyone out there has any tips on making things work I’d appreciate the suggestions.

It’s not just about the forgetting but also the spending. More people seem to associate the manic side of bi-polar with the spending but still try and explain that to the debt collectors. Yesterday, Hubby goes to the shop loses £40 and comes back with five packs of sausages. A couple of years ago I would have screamed at him for this but now I’m resigned to the fact that’s how he is. He gets paid and it’s like he’s some kind of billionaire, giving the taxi drivers or the waiter in Pizza Hut massive tips. He once went on a spending spree on Ebay and put bids on lots of the same item and then won them all….that was awkward. He’s suggested that I take over the finances. But there’s a part of me that can’t abide the thought of taking any this part of his independence. It seems so unfair. Also deep down I’m not sure I can trust myself. I see myself in him at times, the impulsiveness, the mania and while for the most part I channel mine into my work and my writing, which is something he can’t seem to do, because he has his problems…I worry about going to the doctor with mine. He’ll probably tell me bi-polar isn’t catching which I’m not saying it is but what if two undiagnosed people found each other as soul mates but only one was diagnosed?